The Womens Conference
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Direct from The Women's Conference
- Architects of Change
After a two day journey to the center of the new women’s movement, packaged and delivered with style by Maria Shriver, First Lady, activist, global everywoman, I have returned to my life, stimulated, motivated, changed.
I left Long Beach, California, with 25,000 women (and a few token men) feeling the need for a cup of tea, a good, long nap and time to process what I had experienced -- speakers from around the globe sharing stories so personal they felt familiar. Brand name stars shed the cloaks of their celebrity and made us feel like they had come for an intimate chat, right there, with us. Platforms shared by power women -- one with the ability to shift the world’s economic freefall; the other a survivor of a childhood sold to the sex trade of Cambodia -- both having a lot to say about the state of women in this world and leading the kind of exemplary lives that will make a difference to so many more beyond themselves.
The deep well of loss, grief, healing and resilience was another topic illuminated on the Arena stage, as Maria poignantly shared her own difficult journey through grief in the days following the death of her mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver. Her words resonated powerfully with so many women who have experienced loss in its many forms.
I am one of those women, a daughter of a parent whose mind has been lost to Alzheimer’s disease. I am bound together with millions of other daughters around the globe. Our shared responsibility, as Architects of Change, is to advocate and motivate our national legislators to fund the research path that will lead to Alzheimer’s survivorship. We have role models: other great women standing in front of devastating diseases (breast cancer, AIDS, heart disease) and getting the job done.
Come be a part of this change we are creating in the battle against Alzheimer’s disease. For those of you who live in or near Los Angeles, we invite you to join ‘Maria’s A-team’ at the LA Memory Walk on Sunday morning, November 1 in downtown Los Angeles. For additional information, please go to www.alz.org/mariasateam
Change is in each of us, every day.
As Chair of The Judy Fund, Elizabeth Gelfand Stearns works to ignite public awareness and involvement in the battle against Alzheimer’s disease. To date, The Judy Fund, created in memory of Elizabeth’s mother Judy Gelfand, has raised and granted close to $4 million dollars to support Alzheimer’s research and advocacy in conjunction with the Alzheimer’s Association. A former Sr. Vice President of Strategic Marketing at Universal Pictures, Elizabeth Gelfand left her post in April, 2004 to manage The Judy Fund.
Join Maria’s A-Team at the LA Memory Walk in downtown Los Angeles this Sunday, November 1, 2009. Sign up or make a donation at www.alz.org/mariasateam
Elizabeth Gelfand Stearns was a speaker at A Day of Transformation.
LIVE FROM THE CONFERENCE: Blogger, Louise Tutelian
Coming to you live from The Women's Conference 2009 where an unprecedented 25,000 are gathering for two days of inspiration and transformation.
Change is Sweet
Sabrina Vegnone’s colleagues were in love with her cookies. For years, she had brought them to the mutual fund company where she worked, these spectacularly hand-iced and decorated treats. And for years, her colleagues told her to go into business with them. So when Vegnone was laid off in July, she saw an opportunity. Today, just three months later, she is on the exhibition floor here at The Women's Conference with a banner touting Sabrina’s Sweetery (www.SabrinasSweetery.com) hung behind her.
“It was hard when I got laid off but it gave me the chance to try this out,” said Vergone, whose business is based in North Hollywood, CA. “I’m not sure I would have quit my job to do this and I have no idea where it’s going, but it’s been really busy and great,” she said. How busy? “I rent a kitchen and bake twice a week, about 20 dozen cookies, but sometimes as many as 500 for a single occasion,” she explained. Claiming the benefits of a very steady hand, Vergone decorates every single one, down to the last sugar pearl. In her booth today are bikini cookies, surfboard cookies, bride and groom cookies, and baby onesies cookies. Sabrina’s Sweetery claims ownership of 500 cookie cutters, including basketballs, sailboats, even lobsters and seahorses. If a client can’t find the perfect shape, Vegnone will design one.
Visitors to the booth inquire about corporate catering, local delivery, cookie and icing choices. It’s clear that Vegnone is reveling in her new career. “I loved my job,” she said. “But I loved cookies more.”
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The Big Picture
Picture this: One creative woman and her two equally talented sisters team up to develop a totally new (patent-pending!) photographic product called Pic-A-Pak (www.pic-a-pak.com) and show it off at The Women’s Conference, their first visit here. Allene del Rosario Michel, Pic-A-Pak’s creative director, chattered nonstop with visitors to her exhibition booth as they handled the sample triangular 3-D packets. “Clients supply an image and we customize it, “ said Michel, of Arcadia, CA. Filled with anything from jelly beans to Jordan almonds to tiny pots of lip gloss, the packets can be used as party favors or keepsakes for any personal or corporate event. They come in two sizes, are affordable and can be studded with rhinestones and other decorative elements.
Jennifer Taylor, Pic-A-Pak’s managing principal, explained why the conference is a particularly potent venue in which to meet potential clients. “We’ve had women planning their own weddings, their daughter’s weddings, their daughter’s quinceanos parties,” she said. “Grandmoms love these.” The sisters had heard about the conference last year but couldn’t get tickets. “When we heard about the opportunity to present here this year, we jumped at it,” she added. “We knew the exposure would be great.”
The conference really has been a terrific networking opportunity for women entrepreneurs. For Taylor personally, the highlight has been seeing the range of other services, crafts and entrepreneurial businesses on the exhibition floor, including businesses in her area with whom she will keep in touch. “From H & R Block to adorable high-end baby aprons, there is so much here,” she said. But it wasn’t all about work, either, she added. “The book-signing event, with “Caroline (Kennedy), Maria (Shriver), Paula (Zahn), and Valerie (Bertinelli) was like an adult Disneyland.”
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Tea Party Angels Take Flight
Cheryl Beck stands in her booth on the vast exhibition floor here, explaining how she intends to change the world, one tea party at a time. Beck’s concept is a non-profit initiative called “Tea Party Angels” (www.teapartyangels.org) in which mothers and their 7 to 12-year-old daughters host tea parties across the country. They raise money for girls in need of education—and get a lesson in social responsibility themselves. For $40, the hostess receives a tea set for six, T-shirts to decorate, handmade beaded “Angel” bracelets, and an educational DVD. Party attendees contribute donations earned from performing chores at home and as a group choose a charity from an approved list, including Greg Mortenson's Central Asia Institute.
“I was inspired by ‘Three Cups of Tea’ by Greg Mortenson,” said Beck, “and the difference one person could make.” So it was no coincidence that Beck chose this year’s Women’s Conference, which Mortenson is also attending, to make her debut. She feels as if she is among friends. “There’s such a diverse crowd here. It’s a gracious group of people and they are receptive to this concept,” said Beck, who traveled from New York to be here. The theme of the conference is also particularly appropriate, she says--It’s never too early to teach young girls to be Architects of Change.
Louise Tutelian is an experienced journalist who has written for over two dozen national and regional publications and websites, including The New York Times, The Christian Science Monitor, Parenting and Working Mother, where she wrote the "Learning Curve" column. Her work can be found at www.louisetutelian.com
LIVE FROM THE CONFERENCE: Blogger, Brenda Duran
- Architects of Change
Coming to you live from The Women's Conference 2009 where an unprecedented 25,000 are gathering for two days of inspiration and transformation.
Money. Jobs. The Economy. These are the words that had women buzzing throughout the conference these last two days. Whether it was networking at The Night at The Village for jobs or attending sessions on how to manage money, women are sharing similar stories.
These stories are about themselves, their husbands, boyfriends or friends who have lost their jobs and are facing financial challenges.
Many of them say they have been hit hard by the global recession and are facing the fact pointed out by USA Today earlier this year: that men are losing their jobs at a faster rate than women.
This buzz was also generated a week ago with The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything, which explored the reality that, for the first time in our history, half of all U.S. workers are women and that women are the primary or co-breadwinners in nearly two-thirds of American families.
“Women are at a point where they need to step up to plate right now,” said Carol Saucillo who attended the How To Manage Your Money in Uncertain Times session this afternoon.
Saucillo said although she has not been directly affected by the recession, her best friend and sister like thousands of women in the country right now are rapidly become the sole breadwinners. Both her friend and sister’s husbands are out of a job.
Saucillo said she is planning on taking the information and tips on how to stay optimistic and manage money better during this financial turmoil back to both of them.
For Renee Janosch of San Jose, California, the conference is a great way to interact with other women and learn strategies for saving.
The goal is also to stay upbeat in order to take the optimism back home.
“I have been trying to get my husband motivated. I have a lot of friends in the same situation,” said Janosch.
The conference offers opportunities for women to think about ways to reinvent themselves, build strength during trying times and become smarter about their finances.
It also offers a place for women to share their feelings and frustrations and learn from one another. Pauline Morgan of Rowland Heights, California, who has been unemployed since 2007, says she will use the conference to touch base with numerous nonprofit organizations to find volunteer opportunities. “When I am here, I am on high. It’s definitely been an emotional boost for me,” said Morgan.
First-time attendee Diana Rodriguez, 24, a recent college graduate who has not been able to find a job, says the conference gives her the motivation to see past her present hurdle and plan for the future.
Rodriguez says it is a relief to hear about others who are facing the same struggle and know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
“It is really refreshing to be in a place where you can escape all the negative news about the economy and hear how to overcome problems and be a success,” said Rodriguez.
It is courage many women at the conference walked away with to face their shared reality.
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When Jacqui Viale flew her mother Gayle Joseph from Philadelphia to Long Beach for The Women’s Conference 2009, she had one goal in mind: to show her first-hand the progress her own generation had made when it comes to women empowerment.
“Her generation was pushed down, there were not the same opportunities available for women back then,” said Viale, 44 of Long Beach. “I wanted her to hear all of these inspiring stories and have the same enthusiasm I have for the conference.”
The two are amongst the many faces of mothers and daughters here today sharing a special bond as they experience the conference together. Dozens of mothers and daughters are turning the extraordinary two-day event into quality time. They can be seen excitedly roaming the booths at The Night at The Village and during rousing standing ovations at many of the sessions.
Inside of the massive bookstore at the Village, Jacqui and Gayle browsed books together and were planning on their next session. The two admitted they were both blown away by playwright Eve Ensler and were embracing the energy and spirit in the Arena.
Gayle Joseph, 67, said she and her daughter have shared the same political and philosophical ideas for years. She knew the conference was the ideal place for them to reconnect and spark up new dialogue about each of their generations.
“I always tell her how my generation backed down a lot because we were intimidated, “said Gayle. “We started pushing out and now here we are. It has been great to see so many strong women gathered together.”
Today, Gayle and Jackie, two generations of Architects of Change, used the conference to link the past to the present. Like so many mothers and daughters here today, it’s an experience of a lifetime.
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Dora Medrano came to The Women’s Conference 2009 with a mission – to complete the circle that began earlier this year when she was going through what she calls one of the “most horrific ordeals” of her life – getting diagnosed with ovarian and uterine cancer.
She attended a seminar in April one month after being diagnosed led by today’s Day of Transformation speaker Dr. Martha Beck, life coach and author of “Steering by Starlight: The Science and Magic of Finding Your Destiny.”
“At the time, she helped me to plug into my own power and energy when I needed it the most,” said Medrano, a commercial producer from Malibu.
Medrano said it was the need for more connections with other women along with Beck’s name on the line-up of speakers that moved her to buy her first Women’s Conference ticket.
“There seems to be a resurgence of the female consciousness in our country right now, so I needed to be here,” Medrano said.
Today, Medrano’s cancer experience came full circle when she took in Beck’s advice during “So You Want to be an Architect of Change? What You’ll Need to Know About Your Journey Along the Way.”
Sitting in the packed Grand Ballroom, Medrano said she learned she had moved on from what Beck calls the “death and rebirth” square and was now six months later in square two of the personal transformation stage “dreaming and scheming” about the next step in life following the dramatic “meltdown” of her old self.
“Cancer can lead to social isolation and for a long time I wanted to write my own story so I did it and now I want to go on and help people get to a lot of the resources not readily available that I found out about,” said Medrano who started up a blog a few months ago.
Being in the presence of thousands of women today, helped Medrano make a number of connections with other women and gave her the ultimate reassurance she needed to carry on with her mission of taking her blog further and begin research on how to build a fundraiser for cancer.
“I found out today, I am alright. I am on the right path,” she said.
Medrano said the she believes she will get through the cancer not only because her doctor told her she has “astronomically high percentage” of no reoccurrence but because she was reminded today how to stay in tune with herself and her needs by interacting with thousands of others.
At her first Women’s Conference Medrano saw the bigger picture.
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A year ago, I set foot at The Women’s Conference as a reporter in search of a good story. In my quest, what I found was not just one, but hundreds of inspirational stories flourishing beyond the podium of riveting high-profile speakers. They were from women from all walks of life who trickled into the Long Beach Convention Center looking to make meaningful connections.
These women were both hungry for words of wisdom from the gamut of special guests ranging from visionaries and business leaders to authors, artists and pop culture icons. And these women were eager to build bridges with others by finding common ground. The conference offered them this and much, much more.
I watched the instant camaraderie; the hope and positive energy flow throughout the conference. There was laughter; there were also tears. Within every corner the opportunity to become a true “Architect of Change” was within everyone’s reach - at the book signings, at the panels and the breakout sessions and online. There were countless ways to indulge in tips for self-improvement, health, money and life balance.
At the end of every session women said they were refreshed with a clear vision that enabled them to walk a bit taller and smile with a bit more confidence. Women seemed to be more self-aware of the next big step they would be taking in their life and this time around they were going for it after being given the tools needed to get there. The best part was hearing women talk about how they were going to take what they gathered and put it into action in their communities, in their family life and within their own long-term goals.
This year, the conference will continue to be the catalyst for change and create new inspirational stories that will continue to thrive throughout the year within this online community where information, dialogue and inspiration are abundant. For the first year ever, the conference will be a full two-day event that will welcome 24,000 attendees.
The live webcast on October 27th ( 8 am – 7pm PDT) will make the highly anticipated lineup of speakers available to millions of women who cannot be present in Long Beach. It is the perfect opportunity to capture the true spirit of the conference with friends, family and colleagues at home or in your office. Today, you’ll be able to check out the latest conference highlights -- videos, photos, interviews and blogs accessible -- from Day One of the conference: A Day of Transformation, and Night at The Village.
I’ll be blogging from the conference for the next two amazing days about the women here and their transformative experiences. Expect lots of moving anecdotes.
These conversations and more will continue 365 days a year – right here online. So join us. Tell us your story. You will feel a sense of renewal in the air, just as I did a year ago.
Brenda Duran is an award-winning writer who has reported on education, immigration and health. She has written for The El Paso Times, The Denver Post, The North County Times and The Long Beach Press-Telegram. She is a graduate of the University of Southern California, Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism.
LIVE FROM THE CONFERENCE: Blogger, Astrid Sheil
- Life Balance
- Health and Fitness
Coming to you live from The Women's Conference 2009 where an unprecedented 25,000 are gathering for two days of inspiration and transformation.
Day 2: Afternoon Reflections
In the afternoon, the conference turned serious as it focused on the most universal of human feelings—grief.
If you watched the main session on streaming video, you had a chance to hear two extremely moving and powerful speeches about grief, healing and resilience. Katie Couric spoke eloquently about losing her loving husband, Jay, and then four years later, her sister. Both died from cancer. After her standing ovation, Couric quipped, “Now, if just a third of you would watch the CBS Evening News…where are you guys when I need you?”
After Couric departed from the stage, Maria Shriver walked out slowly, stood at the podium, and delivered the most personal speech of her life. She got through it okay, but many of the rest of us—thousands of women in the arena—quietly wept as Maria described her ongoing and deeply painful walk through grief from the death of her beloved mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, eight weeks ago, followed by the death of her larger-than-life uncle, Senator Ted Kennedy.
When Shriver finished, she introduced the rest of the “grief panel” to the audience. Susan St. James, actress and entrepreneur, lost her son in a plane accident. He was 14 years old. Elizabeth Edwards, senior fellow, Center for American Progress, lost her son in a car accident. He was 16. And Lisa Niemi, widow of actor Patrick Swayze, recently lost her husband and best friend of 34 years to pancreatic cancer, less than two months ago.
The conversation flowed as each woman offered simple, but profound descriptions of their journey through grief. Susan St. James said she wondered if she would always think of herself as “the mother of a dead child.” Lisa Niemi described her sadness as being on a cellular level. Elizabeth Edwards noted that it was important for people to talk about her son and to keep his memory alive. “He didn’t just disappear from the Earth.”
In the audience was another woman who knows a lot about grief. Valerie Sobel’s son Andre died of a brain tumor when he was 19. Valerie cared for her son for 470 days and witnessed helplessly as Andre slowly and painfully lost his battle with cancer. She said, “Caretaking a child that you know is going to die is a completely different experience. The grief is beyond anything you can imagine. “
Within a year, Valerie also lost her mother and her husband. To honor Andre, and to help other families experiencing the debilitating personal effects of a child with a catastrophic illness, Sobel established the Andre Sobel River of Life Foundation (www.andreriveroflife.org). According to the website information, “Seventy-eight percent of families whose child is diagnosed with a critical illness will experience divorce or separation. The ordeal of a child’s grave illness tests these families far beyond their endurance, and they become bankrupt financially, emotionally and physically.”
Anne Swire, CEO of the Sobel Foundation said they had just received a substantial grant from Genetech to assist families who have children with cancer. “We often receive urgent requests from social workers at our affiliated children’s hospitals to help families in financial crisis due to the illness of the child,” she said. “Genetech’s generous donation will allow us to meet the needs of many more families.”
There was something sobering and cathartic about this afternoon’s session. Yes, it is hard to talk about grief. As Maria Shriver noted in her comments, “In the United States, we are grief illiterate.” Many of us get tongue-tied when we try to offer comfort to someone who has lost a loved one. But through conversation, compassion, and caring, we can help each other through the very darkest of passages that ultimately, each of us will experience.
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Day Two: AM Reflections
Another exceptional morning at the Women’s Conference! Not surprisingly, the energy throughout the convention center is electrifying, but apparently, the energy is pretty darn kinetic through the streaming video on the website! Text messages from friends in Portland, Denver, Houston, and Knoxville who are watching the conference online indicate they are feeling the energy, too!
It’s nearly impossible to capture the power of the conference in an itty-bitty blog. This is definitely one of those “the sum is greater than the parts” kind-of-event. Instead, here are some of the more memorable quotes of the morning.
Host and Executive Producer, Discovery ID, Paula Zahn: “The Shriver Report has clearly detailed that we’re exhausted and overwhelmed, but we don’t have to keep that secret anymore!”
Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger: “When I have really tough decisions to make, I ask the Almighty…my wife, Maria!” And, “Maria is not only a beautiful woman, she’s smart and determined—she is the female terminator.”
Sheila C. Bair, Chairman of the FDIC: “The key to success is to be yourself and focus on the job at hand.”
Sir Richard Branson, Founder and President of Virgin Group: “We have to get into the mindset of providing more flexible work arrangements for people.”
Robin Roberts, Co-anchor, ABC News’ Good Morning America: “My mama always said, ‘Make your mess your message!’”
Katie Couric, Anchor & Managing Editor, The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric "I love the smell of estrogen in the afternoon."
Cheryl Saban, Author and Founder of the Women’s Self Worth Foundation: “None of us can afford to be muzzled—use the internal compass you were born with.”
Courtney from Oakland, CA: “This conference is teaching me that the only obstacle to success is in here” (she points to her head).
Nick Vujicic, President and Founder, Life Without Limbs: “The greatest disability is fear,” and “If you put your happiness in temporary things, your happiness will be temporary.”
Gayle Haggard, Author, “Why I Stayed”: “Never write a person off. Whenever possible, choose forgiveness.”
Elizabeth Smart: “We’re never truly left alone.”
Here at the conference, thousands of women are learning that we’re never truly alone because we have each other.
Stay tuned! More to come.
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Day 1: Transformation with Dr. Martha Beck
With tears streaming down their faces, the two women walked arm-in-arm out of this afternoon’s keynote address by Dr. Martha Beck. They didn’t even know each other’s names, but intuitively they knew they had just shared a profound experience.
Beck, a monthly columnist for O and the author of several international bestsellers, began her session by talking about transformation. Square 1 of transformation is the stage where our identity has been taken from us, but we have yet to figure out whom we are and where we’re going. She compared it to the incredible metamorphosis that a caterpillar goes through in order to become a butterfly. In her description, Beck said that once a caterpillar goes into its cocoon, it literally liquifies—completely changing itself all the way to the molecular level before it can recreate itself into a butterfly.
In a very real sense, when we begin a cycle of transformation, we have to experience the disintegration of our old self before real change can take place. The meltdown can take many forms, but often it has to be cataclysmic—break up of a marriage, loss of a job, or a deep physical crisis like a diagnosis of cancer or a very sick child. For many of us personal shock sends us into the cocoon.
At this “Day of Transformation” Beck’s words resonated universally through the audience. She said, “Here in square one, we have a tendency to want to become bigger caterpillars.” In other words, we try to hold onto the status quo as long as possible. Maybe if we just work 80 hours a week instead of 75, we won’t get fired. Maybe if we subsume our needs, we can keep a failing marriage from coming apart at the seams. But of course, we are just fooling ourselves. When it is time to begin the transformation process, there is no capitulation or compromise that can divert the process. However, transformation can be delayed if we are unwilling to accept ourselves the way we are. The key to beginning the process is to “totally” accept ourselves and the reality of our situation. We must surrender to the truth—the old way doesn’t work anymore, we can’t go back, and the future is unclear and unknown.
We have all experienced these dreaded feelings. Limbo is scary. Not knowing is exhausting. Loss of identity can lead to depression. Why would anyone choose to go through the process of transformation? According to Beck, we have no choice. This is a cyclical process and we all go through it at different times and for different reasons. But like the caterpillar, when we get through the four stages of (1) crash and burn, (2) expansive imagining, (3) this is harder than I thought, and (4) the promise land—we are forever changed and expanded.
Back to the women walking out of the auditorium…why were they crying? Recognition and Acceptance. At the end of the standing ovation, one woman turned around and with arms raised over her head she powerfully announced, “I am liquid!!” It was a rallying cry—a recognition that it’s not only okay to be lost—it’s absolutely mandatory if we are going to transform into empowered women. The other woman burst into tears as she felt a huge sigh of relief and acceptance. All the pain, fear, loss of identity and meaning she had been going through for more than a year was actually normal, which meant that she was normal. Hallelujah!
The two women hugged each other, introduced themselves and furiously began discussing their parallel journeys of transformation. Rita and Marlene exchanged cards and walked out of the session clearly stunned and enlightened by the experience.
Astrid Sheil, Ph.D. is the Associate Chair of the Communication Studies Dept. at Cal State University San Bernardino. Originally from Washington, DC, she graduated from Georgetown University.
A Transformational Moment in Our History
- Maria's Post
When last year’s Women’s Conference sold out in just a couple of hours, it hit me that something profound was going on with women. We’d program a workshop on caring for aging parents, and it was standing-room-only. We’d bring in speakers to talk about how to start up a business, and the rooms were packed. We couldn’t book enough sessions on empowerment, activism, and spirituality. All of them were filled, and people were asking for more. I wondered what was going on.
We decided we needed to learn some new, hard facts about today’s American woman. Who is she? How does she live? What does she think? What does she earn? What are her politics? How does she define power? How does she define success? What does she think of marriage? What does she really think of men? How does she want to live her life moving forward?
The Shriver Report: A Woman’s Nation Changes Everything breaks new ground by taking a hard look at how women’s changing roles are also affecting our major societal institutions: our government, businesses, religious and faith institutions, educational system, the media, and even men and marriage. And we examine how all these parts of the culture have responded to one of the greatest social transformations of our time. We look at where we are and where we should go from here.
For the first time in our nation’s history, fully half of the American work force is female—and mothers have become the primary breadwinners in nearly half of American families. That’s a sea change from 40 years ago. With more and more men forced to stay home due to unemployment, more and more women are bringing home the bacon. Women are more likely than ever to head their own families. They’re doing it all—and many of them have to do it all. As you’ll read in this report, women have now taken their place as a powerhouse driving the economy.
As we move into this phase we’re calling A Woman’s Nation, women can turn their pivotal role as wage-earners, as consumers, as bosses, as opinion-shapers, as co-equal partners in whatever we do into a potent force for change. Emergent economic power gives women a new seat at the table—at the head of the table.
It’s a transformational moment in our history—much as the opening of the West, industrialization, the great 1960s civil rights campaigns, and the flowering of the Internet age have all irrevocably altered the fabric of American life. With working women now the New Normal, striving and succeeding in areas where they never have before, so many assumptions and underpinnings of our society are cracking open. The rumbling is shaking the ground in every corner of the culture, and many women and men are struggling to get their footing. The effect on every sector of our society will be deep, wide, and profound.
In 2009, women have more choices than they did 40 years ago. We’ve learned that while there’s much to cheer about, we still have a long way to go. Women’s expanding role in families, industry, the arts, government, politics, and other institutions is altering the American landscape. Women are learning they no longer have to shoehorn themselves into one stereotype or another, but they can do so if they choose—or they can make it up as they go along.
It’s in this new world that I’m raising four children. I’m trying to teach my boys to understand that the women in their lives will work and will have independent minds. I’m trying to teach them not just how to hold the door open, but how to do their own laundry and make their own mac and cheese. I’m also trying to teach my girls how to advocate for themselves, be smart about their finances—and to look not for a savior, but a loving, supportive, open-minded partner.
We hope this report will help inform us all about this transformational time and ignite a national conversation about how our institutions need to adapt to the unfolding of A Woman’s Nation.
Here at The Women’s Conference website, we’ve invited influential writers, journalists, opinion leaders, educators and business leaders – men and women – to be part of that conversation. Pull up a chair at Our Kitchen Table to check out what they have to say. Visit The XX Effect: Generation to Generation to learn how women across the generations answer the question, "What Do Women Want?" Then join the conversation on our Community Forum.
The Shriver Report: A Woman's Nation Changes Everything is a study by Maria Shriver and the Center for American Progress.
When (Almost) Everything Changed
- Family and Friend
- Work and Money
When I was in college, people talked a lot about the "revolution," although I'm not entirely sure we would have recognized one if it happened in the front yard. This was back in the late 60s and early 70s, when everybody wanted to be a revolutionary, including the kids who were majoring in investment banking.
When we failed to actually create a political and social utopia, it didn't truly come as a big surprise. And some things worked out just the way we hoped -- maybe even better. I don't know if we would have dared imagine an African-American president who won his nomination after a hard primary battle against a woman.
And we would have been pleased to know that the United States of the 21st century would be a place where women worked as routinely as men did, and where young couples automatically assumed they would share the role of family breadwinner.
It really was a revolution. And we would never have imagined that that the country was going to charge right into it without ever asking who was going to take care of the kids.
Back in the day, we were totally confident -- so confident that we hardly even bothered to discuss it -- that our futures would involve flexible jobs that allowed both husbands and wives to take time off or reduce their workweek without ruining their career opportunities. And that early childhood education would be available to everybody just the way elementary school education is.
But it didn't happen. And the tension between work and childcare is the one thing that restricts all the amazing progress that American women have made over the last 50 years.
It crops up all over. Girls outstrip boys all the way through college, yet they don't have the same earning power once they've been out in the world of work for a while. We still only have 17 women in a 100-member U.S. Senate, and one of the big reasons is that women who go into politics tend to wait until their children are older. They get a later start than men, and it's harder to make it to the top of the ladder.
I named my new book about what happened to American women since 1960 "When Everything Changed." But this, alas, is one thing that didn't.
Gail Collins, a New York Times op ed columnist, is the author of When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present. She was previously the Times editorial page editor, the first woman ever to hold that position.
What Do Women Want?
- Family and Friend
- Work and Money
What do women want? I’m asking as a husband, as a father, as a professional who works closely with women. I ask it in the context of all that we are learning about the changing role of women in America. I ask because I still don’t think I have the answer.
I’m blessed to be married to a wonderful woman who is successfully negotiating a path as mother, prominent trial lawyer and former business executive. Our life reflects many of the struggles of modern couples: We both have careers, requiring a great deal of negotiation about who does what, set against the backdrop of shared, 50-50 parenting.
And yet, our life is more marriage than merger. It needs to be if we are going to stay connected to each other as a couple. That gets to the point of asking my question. As the role of women changes, some of their basic desires do not. Yet, I think many men are having a hard time keeping up. We get that the days of “Mad Men” are over (my wife reminds me of this when we are watching the show), but we sometimes lose the complete picture of what the women in our lives need.
In my experience, women expect flexibility from their partners as they negotiate their lives. They expect an openness to reexamine traditional roles. But women, and particularly working mothers, also are seeking reassurance about their path. Many professional women want to know that they are striking a good balance between work and home.
The other crucial factor to a good relationship is staying connected. In the Bible, God asks of Adam, “Where are you?” So, too, as men we need to pause to ask where our wives are: How are they, what do they need and want? Are we making the space for each other as a couple – time spent separate from the business of our busy lives?
The key is making the time to ask. I don’t think I have all the answers, but if I’m trying to be the best husband, or colleague or boss I can be, I’m asking, “What do women want?”
Good shoes. Right, that part I get.
David Gregory is the moderator of NBC News’ “Meet the Press.” He is also a regular contributor for “Today” and serves as a back-up anchor for the broadcast. He is a regular contributor and analyst on MSNBC, and lends his voice and reporting to all NBC News broadcasts including coverage of special events.
David Gregory will be speaking at The Women’s Conference 2009.
Random Thoughts on Progress, Women, The Media and Skinny Cigarettes
- Work and Money
In 1968, Philip Morris introduced a cigarette for women. Virginia Slims were skinny (everybody knows women like skinny, right?) and the copy line was “You’ve come a long way, baby.” Because I’ve worked as a television journalist since God was a lad, I’m sometimes asked about women in the news media and the progress we’ve made. When this happens, I always think of that slogan. And, just for a moment, I want to throw up.
When I started working in TV news in 1973 (five years after being told I’d come a long way), there were precious few women TV journalists. The only reason there were any was that the federal government — pressured by the women’s movement — had told the stations and networks they had to hire some of us. Of course, we had to be young, willing to work for less money, have faces that wouldn’t stop clocks, and, oh, I almost forgot — we sorta had to be single and childless. Girl journalist? Or Playboy Bunny with a notebook? Isn’t she cute trying to do a man’s job in those high heels? Also, we were expected to be obedient. Many of us were (are) not good at that part. It’s hard to be told to get aggressive about getting the story, then come back to the newsroom and say, “Yes sir” all the time — and keep smiling.
And so we fought back. Things got better. But better is not equal.
Remember all the silliness that surrounded Katie Couric’s promotion to Uncle Walter’s Chair? You could drown in such deep doo-doo. Recently, when Diane Sawyer was named anchor for ABC World News Tonight, the president of ABC News, on making the announcement, said that Diane had "more than paid her dues and waited her turn appropriately.”
Uh-huh. Haven’t we all?
Ah well. If young women starting out in the media today stand a better chance of being treated equally (including pay), it’s because they stand on the shoulders of the women who came before them, just as we stood on the shoulders of the women who marched and lobbied to get us in the door. Tomorrow someone will stand on the shoulders of today’s women, and not just those in the media. I believe we all stand on someone’s shoulders. So we must make sure our shoulders are strong enough for the next woman. It is our responsibility. It is the debt we owe. To the past, and to the future. All of us.
And it is still damned hard work. Progress almost always is. I keep a letter written to me by an 11-year-old girl. “Dear Ms. Ellerbee, when I grow up, I want to do what you do. Please do it better.”
The good news: In the end, we may not have come a long way, and we’re certainly not babies, but we are getting more equal all the time and, well, there is this. Few of us smoke these days. That must count for something.
Linda Ellerbee is an outspoken journalist, award-winning television producer, best-selling author, breast cancer survivor, mother, grandmother and one of the most sought-after speakers in America. She is the co-founder of Lucky Duck Productions, which produces programming for Nickelodeon, ABC, CBS, HBO, PBS, Lifetime, MTV, Logo, A&E, MSNBC, SOAPnet, Trio, Animal Planet and TV Land, among others.
Linda Ellerbee will be speaking at The Women's Conference 2009.
WE Act To End Violence Against Women
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You can help end violence against women.
DONATE YOUR USED CELL PHONES at Verizon's HopeLine and help victims of domestic violence become survivors.
MAKE A DONATION to the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the National Network to End Domestic Violence.
You can make a difference.
Escaping Domestic Violence: One Woman's Journey
In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we're bringing you the personal story of one women who escaped her abuser. With the help of a crisis shelter -- Interval House -- Janine got her life back and is now working to empower other women who have been affected by domestic violence. Here, she tells the story of how she went from victim to Architect of Change.
Janine’s Story
I grew up in a loving home where I was not exposed to abuse. Unlike so many stories where battered women have themselves grown up in abusive situations, I had not. I believed in every part of my being that I would marry my true love and live happily ever after.
As a young and loving individual filled with dreams, I had no idea of the nightmare that I was about to enter when I married my abuser. Coming from a strong faith background and believing in the institution of marriage, I did everything in my power to make my marriage work. The abuse was devastating, physically and emotionally.
During my horrendous marriage, I lived in constant terror, and the nightmare became progressively worse as time went on. When I tried to go to work, my husband appeared and bashed in my car. I lived as a prisoner, and finally it became so terrible that I made the decision that I was going to leave.
I was depressed all the time and completely miserable, but most of all I didn't want my kids growing up in a violent home. So I made the call to Interval House. I remember clearly like it was yesterday. The minute I walked through the door of the shelter I knew that everything was going to be okay. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew that whatever road I ended up on, I was going to be safe and that my decisions were my decisions and not his.
That was the beginning of a life that I had never dreamed possible for me and my two children (who were 21/2 and 31/2 at the time). With the counseling and support that I received I realized that no matter what, his actions were not my responsibility and that I could never change him. I dealt with my issues and those of my children. I learned to like myself again.
After leaving Interval House’s emergency and transitional shelters I worked very hard to make a living for my children and me. When I became strong enough, I began to volunteer regularly at Interval House’s emergency shelter to help others. My children and I became fixtures at the crisis shelters where I gave my time and shared the lessons I had learned with other women in crisis.
I’ve now been on Interval House’s full time staff for the past 15 years doing a lot in the community as far as education and prevention, and sharing my story as well as speaking about the programs and services that Interval House has to offer.
I'm so grateful for the chance to work at an organization that truly has more heart, passion, and dedication than anything I’ve ever seen in my lifetime. When I look back at my life, I’m almost thankful for the experiences I’ve endured, because it was those tragic moments in my life that have made me the strong person that I am today, and that have given me a new focus in life. If it had not been for Interval House, I truly believe that I would not be here today. They gave me my life back and also made it a whole lot better and I could never thank them enough for just being there!
Interval House is an award-winning domestic violence agency providing comprehensive services 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, in over 60 different languages. Over 99% of Interval House staff and advocates are multilingual, ethnically diverse, and have been personally affected by domestic violence. Interval House’s innovative programs have been recognized with over 400 awards, including three Presidential Awards, two California Governor’s Awards, and the U.S. Department of Justice Award citing Interval House as a “model” domestic violence program to the nation.
