By Paige Nesbitt
“In a few minutes, I will have you on the floor,” our handsome yoga instructor declared to our class. Of course, this elicited a not-so-discreet “Pshaw!” followed by a goofy, girlish giggle from my friend Holly and me.
Yes, we know he meant we would soon transition to the cool-down stretching poses on the floor. Yes, we really were that immature. We get that way sometimes, Holly and I. We’ve been friends since we were five and occasionally act that age as well.
The funny thing is, Holly is a successful, self-employed Reiki Master. She was always in the advanced groups in school and is a very clever, composed woman. I have an MBA in Finance and can do a very convincing job of acting like an adult.
We are both women who rely on ourselves for almost everything – having a job, paying the bills, doing the household chores, trying to have a social life and picking out and wrapping the holiday gifts. Anything in life that needs to be done, we rely on ourselves to do -- and we are among millions of women like that.
Anything in life we want to have happen, we know the motion in that direction must start with us.
But what happens when you have done everything you can and the rest is completely out of your hands? Whether it has to do with your career or bourgeoning relationships, anything. How do you deal with that restlessness?
That was one of the topics Holly and I covered at dinner that night after yoga. Among the themes that have brought Holly and me close again is discussing our career directions. We listen to each other’s plans, congratulate each other’s successes, and strategize with each other to overcome any perceived set-backs.
We have done the same with any relationship prospect either of us has been tempted to nurture.
In both sets of situations, there are times when we feel we’ve done everything correctly; we’ve done our due diligence in considering our options, and we’ve been on several interviews (official or unofficial). Finding everything positive, we’ve expressed our interest in moving forward and we’ve given the other party respectful space to respond with a yes or no. But when neither answer seems to be self-evident just yet, “What do you do when you can’t do anything more?”
"You can meditate and/or have a delicious dinner and glass of wine with a friend," we laughed. That can fix things for a while, but rarely does that fixedness carry into the next morning when the coffee kicks in and you start realizing that all you can do is wait.
“What if we look at it as a biodome?” I asked Holly.
She looked at me with a wry expression, holding back her laughter.
“Hang on,” I continued. “In this situation, you’ve done all you can do, right? Just like in the biodome. You have isolated this situation so no other factors in your life will have any undue influence. The climate surrounding the issue is ideal and you’ve laid the groundwork so it is fertile for the outcome you wish…Now, all you have to do is sit back and see what grows.”
“Oh-ho-kay…,” she replied, pausing. “But I guess that’s true.”
Then we started recapping situations in our lives that turned out much better than we could have planned when we created the perfect biodome and just let go.
Sometimes, making that extra effort and doing the extra homework makes the difference. As single, mostly self-reliant women, we understand this. However, life can get tricky when you reach the point where doing anything more would make the outcome forced or unnatural. That does not benefit anyone.
Sometimes instead of feeling powerless to things that are out of our control, if we have put all of the pieces in place, it could be empowering to relax and have a little faith in our biodome.
Paige Nesbitt is a Los Angeles native, an author and a blogger. Her blog www.martinirescuesquad.com is based on her manuscript, Martini Rescue Squad, A Peer Expert's Guide to Being a Single Woman in Her Twenties or Thirties and Loving It. Nesbitt has a Bachelor’s in Theater and French from Vanderbilt University and an MBA in Finance from Pepperdine University.
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