Self-care has become a buzzword in recent years, marketed with bath bombs, face masks, and quiet evenings with a book. But for many women, true self-care remains elusive—not because they don’t want it, but because society rarely gives them permission to claim it. The cultural script suggests that women must be everything to everyone, all the time. Needing rest, help, or boundaries is too often interpreted as weakness. And so, they press on.
But the result is devastating. Burnout, anxiety, depression, and a desperate search for control. When women are denied the right to express pain, they internalize it. When they’re not allowed to fall apart, they find other ways to keep themselves intact; ways that may look like control on the outside, but often come from a place of survival.
“We live in a society that expects girls to smile through pain, succeed without support, and stay quiet about what’s hurting them. That pressure to be endlessly resilient is not strength—it’s silence. And it’s costing too many girls their well-being,” says Linsey Lunny, CEO of Hidden Strength.
Many women cope by overperforming. They keep their homes spotless, their calendars full, their emotions in check. They become masters of the to-do list, convinced that if they can just stay ahead of everything, they won’t fall apart. But beneath the surface is a frantic need to hold it all together, often at the cost of their mental and physical health.
Others may retreat into self-isolation, convinced no one can truly understand what they’re going through. After all, vulnerability isn’t often welcomed in a society that applauds stoicism. When women do speak out—about chronic pain, emotional exhaustion, or mental health—they are frequently dismissed, misdiagnosed, or told they’re being dramatic. This dismissal is especially stark for women of color, LGBTQ+ women, and disabled women, whose pain is often met with even more skepticism.
Lunny believes this silencing is dismissing the reality of young women everywhere: “Young girls are just like everyone else—they go through heartbreak, loss, pressure, and self-doubt. But too often, their struggles are dismissed. These are real issues with real weight and minimizing their reality can have catastrophic consequences.”
Real self-care means setting boundaries even when it makes others uncomfortable. It means saying no, asking for help, and allowing space for rest and recovery. It is recognizing that perfection is a myth and that one’s worth is not tied to productivity, appearance, or how well they can pretend everything is fine.
For some, this journey toward reclaiming self-care is prompted by crisis—a health scare, a breakdown, a moment of complete depletion. For others, it comes slowly, after years of numbing and performing. Regardless of when it starts, the path is rarely linear. There is guilt, fear, and often backlash from those who are used to a version of that woman who never asked for anything.
Society plays a large role in this dynamic. Workplaces still reward burnout. Media still glorifies the woman who “does it all.” Even within families, the emotional load disproportionately falls on women, who are expected to anticipate and meet the needs of everyone else before considering their own.
Until that changes, women will continue to search for control—sometimes through over-functioning, sometimes through disconnection, and sometimes through harm. That’s why supporting women’s self-care isn’t just about encouraging them to rest—it’s about dismantling the systems that tell them they have to earn it.
Women don’t need more scented candles. They need to be heard, believed, and supported. They need space to feel what they feel without being labeled as fragile. They need to know that it’s okay to put the mask down—not the skincare kind, but the emotional one they’ve worn to keep everyone else comfortable.
Because real self-care is messy, human, and often inconvenient. And for women everywhere, it’s long overdue.
