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“Honey, I Just Want You to Be Happy”

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“Honey, I just want you to be happy” are some of the most loaded words we single women in our 20s/30s can hear.  What the words impart is a loving and generous sentiment — concern for our welfare.  What they imply is something quite different.

Namely, that we are not happy status quo.  That there is something “else” that would make us truly happy. That the happiness, achievement or wholeness we feel now may be lovely, but it is nothing compared to the happiness, etc. we will feel once married.

I heard these words recently when speaking with a family friend who is much like an aunt to me.   A few weeks ago, I realized an achievement with my blog, MartiniRescueSquad.com, that I consider a big deal.  No one else has to think it’s as enormous as I do, but I was excited.

My aunt e-mailed 70 of her closest friends about the achievement.  As various people replied to her with congratulations and encouragement, my aunt forwarded me each message.

One of those came from a mutual family friend Lucy, who lives back east.  “I love you, Paige!” she wrote, and added that she wanted to catch up the following week, when she’d be staying with my aunt and her husband.  I replied that I would love to have them all over for dinner — Aunt Janie, Uncle Gil and Lucy.  Although I’m not a cook, I can handle that number and can use my new BBQ gloves that I have been waiting to try out.

That Thursday, two days before Lucy arrived, my aunt called me breathless, “Paige, Honey, this is extremely important – are you going to invite Lee and Annette to your dinner for Lucy next week?”

Lee and Annette are a married couple about my age, and they come from the same town as Lucy.

“No, Janie, I had not planned on it, but I will if you think Lucy would like that.”

“Oh, Honey, it’s very important that you let me know right away.  Our neighbors want to have Lee and Annette for a barbeque they want to throw for Lucy and would be mortified to have the three of them attend two of the same parties in the same week.”

I’ve heard of many traditions and mores in my lifetime, but have never heard of that one.  On the contrary, in any group of friends and neighbors, I have been at the same parties with the same people within the same week many times.

“That’s fine, Janie, tell your neighbor to go ahead and invite them.  I will invite them the next time Lucy comes to town.”

“No, Honey, I don’t think you understand…our neighbor wants you to have first dibs on inviting Lee and Annette, but would be horribly embarrassed if they were at the same party with Lucy twice in the same week.”

That is absurd.

“I’m sorry, Aunt Janie, but that does not make any sense,” I said.  Please tell your neighbor to invite Lee and Annette and I’ll have you, Uncle Gil and Lucy as originally planned.”

“Paige!  Lee and Annette have all of those cute men they want to introduce you to!  If they do not spend some time with you and get to know you better, they will probably not make any of the introductions.”

Oh, OK, so I see where this is going.  It’s not about how tacky it would be to have the same three people at two parties in one week, it’s about marrying me off as quickly as possible.

“Honey, I just want you to be happy.”

“I AM happy, Aunt Janie.”

“I know…but I just want you to be really happy…Oh, and our neighbors want to know if you will come to the barbeque as well.  The Saunders will be there with their cute son.”

So there it is — the driving force behind this whole back-and-forth was finding a mate for me, i.e. changing my lifestyle so I will finally achieve legitimacy and the happiness that comes with marriage.

Finding the right man and starting a family with him is a top priority for me.  When the time is right.  I put myself out there, date a fair amount and am blessed with a rather varied cross-section of friends.  I don’t sit at home and mope.

However, I’m not sure it’s healthy to base every choice I make in life – down to whom I invite for a small dinner – on the likelihood that it will lead to me meeting Mr. Right.

It seems a lot of us confront such messages and doubts as Aunt Janie’s.  The truth is, our happiness is really ours to determine.  If we are happy as we are, we don’t have to let anyone else’s concerns delegitimize our lifestyle choices.  If we’re not happy with things as they are, we’re in the perfect position to change them.

Paige Nesbitt is a Los Angeles native, an author and a blogger.  Her blog www.martinirescuesquad.com is based on her manuscript, Martini Rescue Squad, A Peer Expert’s Guide to Being a Single Woman in Her Twenties or Thirties and Loving It.  Nesbitt has a Bachelor’s in Theater and French from Vanderbilt University and an MBA in Finance from Pepperdine University.

Join Maria Shriver’s Million Meals Initiative

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One in six Americans are going hungry. Of those 50 million people without enough to eat, 17 million are children.

What can you do? Join California First Lady Maria Shriver and The Women’s Conference as we make a donation to the California Association of Food Banks to provide one million meals to California families in need.

Today, Maria Shriver will launch the Million Meals Initiative in San Diego with a lunchtime visit to Father Joe’s Villages, an organization that serves more than 5,000 people a day through its soup kitchen. Shriver will then visit the San Diego Armed Services YMCA to join partners and volunteers to help distribute packages of healthy food to more than 1,000 families. The day’s events will culminate with a visit by Shriver to Qualcomm Stadium for the Million Meals Food Drive, which is being organized in partnership with the San Diego Food Bank and San Diego Chargers.

The Million Meals Food Drive was kicked off on November 20th, when the general public was invited to donate non-perishable food items. San Diego Chargers players joined the San Diego Fire-Rescue Department and other volunteers in the food collection efforts. The goal of the Million Meals Food Drives is to collect enough food to provide an additional one million meals to California’s families.

The San Francisco 49ers organization is also participating in the Million Meals Initiative. At their November 14 home game, the 49ers collaborated with the San Francisco Food Bank to collect 2,100 pounds of food and $2,100 in cash donations from fans as they were arriving at the game. Yesterday, the 49ers partnered with Sacred Heart Community Service to facilitate another Million Meals Food Drive, where they collected 1,400 pounds of food and $5,100 in cash donations.

“The Women’s Conference organization has worked on the frontlines to feed women’s minds, bodies and spirits, and during this time of need, we are committed to helping California women feed their families,” said Maria Shriver. “I am so pleased that individual Californians and thousands of organizations all across the state are joining together to support struggling families… I hope the Million Meals Initiative inspires even more Californians to join us by donating to Million Meals food bank partners across the state—so we can keep this spirit of giving alive throughout the year.”

The food donated through the Million Meals Initiative will be delivered to Californians through the California Association of Food Banks’ 43 member organizations and more than 5,000 organizations across the state.  In addition to the food banks, five organizations have also been selected to receive grants including Father Joe’s Villages, Sacred Heart Community Service, and three organizations led by the conference’s Minerva Award winners: Betty Chin’s Betty’s Blue Angels, Christy Porter’s Hidden Harvest and Janice Mirikitani’s Glide Memorial Church.

Californians can donate food, dollars or time to a Million Meals partner in their neighborhood by visiting www.cafoodbanks.org.

For more ways to contribute to your community, read 10 Ways to Give Back This Season

For more about The Women’s Conference We Connect program, which is driving this initiative, visit www.weconnect.net

The Womens Conference 201

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What was The Women’s Conference 2010?

Hosted by California First Lady Maria Shriver and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Women’s Conference® 2010 was the nation’s premier forum for women, empowering women to be Architects of Change ® in their own lives, their communities and the world. More than 150 extraordinary speakers came together with 30,000 women to be educated, inspired and empowered. The Women’s Conference was also a global online community, where more than one million women gathered to learn how to truly change the world.

When and where was The Women’s Conference 2010?

For the first time, The Women’s Conference expanded to three days — October 24, 25 and 26at the Long Beach Convention Center, 300 East Ocean Blvd., Long Beach, CA 90802.  

What were The Women’s Conference 2010 events?

In 2010, the overarching Conference theme was It’s Time… — a call to action to inspire women to see a challenging moment in history as an opportunity to come together and transform ourselves, our communities and our world. Learn more about each of our six 2010 events:

Maria Shriver and thousands of families, friends, community members and Conference attendees joined together on Sunday afternoon for a 5K march and candlelight vigil to benefit the Alzheimer’s Association. 
This brand new event featured a star-studded performance of Love, Loss, and What I Wore, an intimate collection of stories by Nora Ephron and Delia Ephron. 
Twenty top experts led interactive sessions on how to transform yourself personally and professionally; the day was hosted by Maria Shriver. 
10,000 women visited The Village for an incredible evening of inspiring speakers, top chefs, best-selling authors, a fashion show, the best shopping and live entertainment. 

More than 70 of the world’s most influential and authentic voices — leaders, experts, authors, artists and journalists –- informed and inspired 14,000 attendees on the issues that matter most to women. 
Hosted by Maria Shriver with remarks by Mary J. Blige, The Grand Finale was an evening to celebrate and honor our five extraordinary 2010 Minerva Award winners. The event culminated with a special musical performance by Sarah McLachlan. 
Who spoke at The Women’s Conference?

Visit our special Meet the Speakers page to find out more about the 150 extraordinary speakers.


Did The Women’s Conference air on the web?

Yes, live webcasts of The Day of Health, Wellness & Transformation on October 25 and The Main Event and The Grand Finale featuring The 2010 Minerva Awards on October 26 were available at WomensConference.org. Videos of the speaker sessions are now available here. To watch highlights of the 2009 Conference, click here.

How has The Women’s Conference given back to the community?

The Women’s Conference has been A Conference with a Conscience. Under the leadership of Maria Shriver and the guidance of our Board of Directors, The Women’s Conference has had six far-reaching women’s empowerment programs – WE Educate, WE Invest, WE Connect, WE Act, WE Inspire and WE Honor. Proceeds from the Conference have directly supported these programs to finance dreams and invest in entrepreneurs, lift people out of poverty, help end the cycle of violence, send young women to college, build community centers, playgrounds and gardens, honor courage, wisdom and strength, and inspire people by the remarkable history of their state.