Image by Becca Tapert
There’s an unspoken rule that follows women through every stage of life: don’t be too much. Don’t cry too loudly. Don’t get too angry. Don’t express too much pain. Because if you do, you risk being labeled—too sensitive, too emotional, too irrational. Women are expected to carry their struggles with grace, to endure heartbreak, loss, stress, and exhaustion with a smile. The world celebrates women for being strong, but rarely does it stop to ask if they are okay. And when they finally break, society looks on in surprise, asking why they didn’t speak up sooner.
The Oh-So-Famous Double Standard
Famously known as self-silencing, many women will inhibit themselves and their emotions to appease those around them. From an early age, girls are subtly conditioned to believe that emotional restraint is a virtue.
“Women are taught to shrink their pain, to tuck it away in quiet corners where it won’t make others uncomfortable. At the same time, the rates of infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, infant loss and birth trauma are rising steadily, and American women are facing more pain and physical hardship than ever when it comes to having children,” asserts Melissa Saleh, former journalist and serial entrepreneur.
When a young girl cries, she is often comforted but also encouraged to wipe her tears quickly, to be “brave”—a word often used to mean “silent.” In contrast, when a boy expresses his frustration or anger, it is more likely to be seen as normal, even expected. This pattern follows women into adulthood, where emotional expression is often met with discomfort, dismissal, or outright criticism.
The Scary Sight of Suppression
Women who advocate for themselves in the workplace risk being labeled “difficult” or “overly emotional.” Those who voice their struggles in relationships may be told they are “too needy.” And women who openly discuss their pain—whether it be from trauma, illness, or everyday stress—are frequently met with skepticism or brushed off as “dramatic.” This double standard forces many women to bottle up their emotions, leading to long-term consequences for their mental and physical well-being.
“The world is not getting easier for women. The pressures of building a career, finding a partner, creating financial stability in a changing world, and then conceiving, bearing and raising children have become near-unbearable, to the point where women are either being prevented from having kids, or finding themselves forced out of the workforce once they do,” continues Saleh.
Suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear—it forces them inward, where they can fester. Studies show that women are disproportionately affected by anxiety and depression, in part because they feel pressure to internalize their struggles rather than seek support. The more women push their pain aside, the more it manifests in other ways: chronic stress, fatigue, burnout, and even physical illness.
This expectation of silence can be especially dangerous for women facing real trauma. Victims of abuse or harassment often hesitate to speak out for fear of being dismissed or disbelieved. Women struggling with postpartum depression may feel ashamed to ask for help, worried that they will be seen as weak or unfit mothers. The lack of safe spaces for women to express their pain leads to isolation, and isolation only deepens suffering.
Saleh shares: “After losing my daughter at birth, I was in a tremendous amount of pain. It blinded me. It was the hardest period of my life; I had to endure months of trauma therapy and grief counseling, but it transformed me. Because pain is not a stain that makes you unworthy of being seen: It is a thread woven into the fabric of who you are… A mark of endurance, not of brokenness.”
There is a harmful narrative that defines a “strong woman” as someone who never falters. The truth is, strength is not about enduring pain in silence—it’s about having the courage to acknowledge that pain and seek support. Women should not have to prove their resilience by suffering alone. They deserve spaces where they can be vulnerable without judgment, where their emotions are seen as valid, not as liabilities.
Women have spent generations being told to hold their pain inside, to bear their struggles quietly. But the truth is, silence is not a solution—it’s a cage. It’s time to rewrite the narrative and recognize that women’s emotions are not weaknesses, but powerful expressions of humanity. Every woman deserves to be heard, supported, and validated. Your pain is real, and your voice matters.
