Photo By: Anna Khromova
For parents of children living with Borderline Personality Disorder, recognizing an emotional crisis is not always easy. What may look like anger, defiance, or an overreaction could actually be a child struggling with overwhelming emotions.
For parents, watching their child struggle emotionally can be heartbreaking. One minute, everything may seem fine. The next, a small disagreement, a change in plans, or feeling left out can turn into an emotional storm.
A child may begin crying, screaming, withdrawing, or saying things that leave parents confused and worried. In more serious situations, they may talk about suicide or hurt themselves.
For families affected by Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), these moments may be signs of an emotional crisis.
A BPD crisis happens when emotions become so intense that a person has difficulty controlling them. They may feel overwhelmed, frightened, rejected, angry, or completely alone.
What Happens During a BPD Crisis?
People with BPD often experience emotions more intensely and may struggle to calm themselves once they become upset. Something that seems small to a parent may feel devastating to their child.
Dr. Jesse Viner, MD, CEO and Chief Medical Officer of Yellowbrick, explains the intensity of these emotional episodes:
“While typical young adult distress includes sadness or frustration, a BPD emotional storm involves rapid, agonizing shifts into terror, rage, or despair. The distress is agonizingly painful, deeply personal, and usually triggered by a perceived threat of abandonment or rejection. The individual with BPD is overwhelmed and feels forced to take impulsive actions in an effort to both relieve and express their distress.”
This helps explain why a situation that seems minor to others can feel unbearable to someone experiencing a BPD crisis.
What Are the Warning Signs?
Parents should watch for these common signs:
1. Sudden emotional outbursts: Crying, screaming, yelling, or becoming extremely upset over situations that may seem minor.
2. Extreme fear of abandonment: Becoming very distressed when a parent leaves, sets a boundary, or cannot give them attention.
3. Rapid mood changes: Going from happy to angry, sad, or frightened in a short amount of time.
4. Feeling rejected: Saying things like “Nobody loves me,” “Everyone is against me,” or “Nobody understands.”
5. Self-harm or suicidal statements: Talking about wanting to die, expressing hopelessness, or intentionally hurting themselves.
6. Shutting down: Becoming unusually quiet, isolating themselves, refusing to communicate, or withdrawing from family and friends.
Not every child with BPD experiences all these behaviors. However, repeated episodes of intense emotional distress should never be ignored.
Why Can Small Situations Trigger Such Big Reactions?
One of the hardest things for parents to understand is why something seemingly minor can cause such an intense reaction.
For someone with BPD, a friend not answering a text may feel like rejection. A parent saying no may feel like abandonment. A simple disagreement may make them believe nobody loves them.
The feelings are real to the child, even when their understanding of the situation may not match reality.
Telling a child to “calm down,” “stop overreacting,” or “get over it” can sometimes make things worse by increasing feelings of shame or rejection.
Parents do not have to agree with everything their child says or does to acknowledge that they are hurting.
What Should Parents Do During a BPD Crisis?
When a child is experiencing a crisis, the first priority should be safety and helping them get through the emotional moment.
Parents can help by:
- Staying calm: Raising your voice or arguing back may make the situation worse.
- Offering reassurance: Try saying, “I can see you’re hurting, and I want to help.”
- Keeping conversations simple: Avoid long lectures or trying to solve every problem while emotions are high.
- Avoiding shame: Never dismiss their feelings by calling them dramatic or attention-seeking.
- Taking warning signs seriously: Ask directly about suicidal thoughts or urges to self-harm when you are concerned.
If a child is in immediate danger, has seriously injured themselves, or may act on suicidal thoughts, do not leave them alone. Seek emergency medical help. In the United States, parents can also call or text 988 for crisis support.
Can Children With BPD Learn to Manage Their Emotions?
Yes. A BPD diagnosis does not mean a child will struggle this way forever.
With proper treatment and support, people with BPD can learn to manage emotions, build healthier relationships, and handle stressful situations.
One treatment option is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It teaches skills such as emotional regulation, managing stress, handling difficult feelings, and communicating in healthier ways.
Parents can also benefit from learning about BPD and working with mental health professionals who understand the condition. Symptoms can begin during adolescence, but diagnosing BPD in young people requires careful evaluation by a qualified professional.
What Every Parent Needs to Remember
Parenting a child who struggles with BPD can be exhausting and frightening. Parents may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells, worried about saying the wrong thing or triggering another emotional crisis.
But it is important to remember that a child experiencing a BPD crisis may be dealing with emotional pain they do not yet know how to manage.
That does not mean parents should ignore unsafe behavior or abandon healthy boundaries. It means learning to recognize the signs, respond with compassion, and seek professional support when needed.
A child experiencing a BPD crisis is not simply having a bad day. They may be struggling with emotions that feel impossible to control.
Sometimes, the most important thing a parent can do is recognize that their child is hurting, even when that pain is difficult to see.
