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How I Turned 40 & Met Mr. Right

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Marianne McClary 20x250
Marianne McClary, Anchor, Good Day Sacramento

By Marianne McClary

 

 

 

I’m the only person I know who actually looked forward to turning 40. I threw a huge bash and made everyone dress as if it were 1961 (my birth year). To me, turning 40 wasn’t the start of the slide towards old age; it felt like the beginning of something else -- the beginning of an era of freedom and self-realization.

But that new 40-something confidence didn’t come easily. I had a tendency to please, to accommodate, to make things easier for other people, and to put myself second. It was a pattern I’d followed my whole life. But not long after that birthday, I made a discovery that hit me like a lightning bolt.

Still single, I reconnected with a guy I knew in college who’d dated one of my friends. He lived out of state, but we hit it off and struck up something resembling long-distance dating. Fate! I thought. We met up a few times and chatted by phone and email. Though it wasn’t perfect, I thought we could make something of it. I was wrong.

Our “romance” sputtered along for more than a year, with me making it very easy for him (did I really give him all those frequent flier miles??). The final straw came after yet another romantic liaison – with no talk of anything more serious. When I initiated talks, he brushed me off.

I was furious -- stunned that there wouldn’t even be a discussion. And then suddenly, it all became so clear. I thought, What am I doing? This is not what I want.

What did I want? A guy who wants to be with me. In a relationship with me. Someone who lives in my city. Someone who wants to build a future with me, or at least explore the possibility. Someone smart and funny, who thinks what I want is important stuff.

Was he that guy? No. And so I ended it, tearlessly. I would not be burdened by accommodating a life that was not what I wanted. As I write it now, it sounds almost ridiculously simple. And yet, it’s such an important detail in gaining clarity when we, as women, decide whether we’re going to build a relationship. We bend, we set ourselves aside; but I’ve come out stronger and more confident from having learned that what I want is the most important thing – to me.

They say if you put out to the universe what you want, it will come to you. About a year after this incident, I met the man who’s now my husband, and I was floored that day when I spelled out the qualities I was looking for in someone. He said, “It sounds like me!”

And sure enough, it was.

Marianne McClary anchors “Good Day Sacramento” on CW affiliate KMAX-TV in Sacramento, CA. She and her husband, Scott, live in Carmichael with their two child-cats, Mushi and Suki.

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Comments

  • Congratulations! I'm glad I'm not the only one who won't settle for less than the best.

    Posted by dwheel, 5 June 2010.

  • Good for you! I love this happy story; it made my day.

    Posted by What I believe, I am, 3 June 2010.

  • Marianne,
    Thanks for your candor. i think it's difficult for us to put ourselves and our wants/needs first. Happy that you found "the one" for you.

    Posted by cspod21, 2 June 2010.